This feeling of guilt is too familiar. I used to feel it every time I realized I wouldn’t be able to turn in an assignment when it was due. I feel it every time I go days or weeks without doing any offerings, then slink back to the shrine with a bowl of dates or something saying “Sorry guys, it won’t happen again.” (Then it happens again. It always happens again.)
Lately I’ve been feeling it with this blog. I don’t know what the hell’s been going on lately – maybe some kind of burnout – but I’ve felt exhausted and haven’t had the motivation to do anything. I don’t mean a “I don’t feel like doing this” lack of motivation, I mean a “What’s the point?” lack of motivation. For everything. I don’t even have the energy to read, watch movies, or play video games anymore.
Not sure if it’s simply a meds imbalance or something deeper, but either way I need to figure out a way to fix it so I can get back in gear. Not doing anything has made me feel like a useless piece of shit, which only worsens the lack of motivation. I don’t know if I’m actually letting anyone down, but on the off-chance that I am, I owe it to them to produce content.
I’m not going to make any promises this time, lest I have to come back with a bunch of apologies and a pathetic little bowl of metaphorical dates in my hand to placate my (likely imaginary) readers. All I’ll say is that I’m trying to fix it. Hopefully I’ll see y’all on Tuesday.